I honestly don’t know what to do with myself lately. I miss my grandfather (Opa). He passed away two days ago in his sleep and lost his battle with cancer. I feel so fucking guilty. I should have been there, not working, not at school, but with him. He was everything to me. The father I didn’t have, because my father is a piece of shit alcoholic. = more issues to count than fingers But the point is I am grieving…. happy, then sad, then just confused feelings. It’s like the sadness plays hide and seek and comes to the forefront at the most inappropriate times. I tried to watch a movie to get my mind off of it, but I just can’t get his face out of my mind. So I’ve been drinking. Alot.